idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
