just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
