Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
