I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
