honey bunches of taint.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize