For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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