and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
