My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
