glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize