Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
