I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
