He had one of those small greek statue penises
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
