Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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