I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
