I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
