I wanna bring you to show and tell
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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