I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize