I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
