I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
