I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
