So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
