Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
