obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
