So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She even gives head with a lisp.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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