I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
