You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
