I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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