i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize