How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
wanna go halves on a baby?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
