I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
