shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
