Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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