ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize