i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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