I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
