we have pet lesbian snakes
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
