I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
