I want to walk on stilts...naked
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
