So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your cock deserves a montage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
