As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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