apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
