i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
