She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
