we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize