I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
