she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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