wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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