Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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