You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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