My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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