TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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