Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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