he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
