this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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