He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
