In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
