What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
