i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
