My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
