shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
