How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize