There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
