Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He better not be in your backpack
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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