Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
