Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
