do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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