remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
