I hate your face
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
