So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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