dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
