uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
