I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
